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At Wit's Beginning is a weekly, self-syndicated column by humorist Ben Haley that takes a microscope to all of the elephants in America's room. Follow along with a tour guide who refuses to wear a nametag, isn't interested in speaking up so that those in the back can hear, and insists on deviating from script.
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The Age of Milkmen
Boy, those were really the days almost anything you desired could be delivered daily right to your door. When you could come home from work to find a semi-fresh slab of haddock waiting for you on the stoop. Wonder why these deliveries were discontinued....
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Party Politics
The only party worse than your own 50th birthday party, is this one.
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Charlie Gibson: Hello everyone and welcome to ABC's hosting of the 4,745 debate between Hillary Clinton and Benedict Obama...Excuse me, Benedict Arnold...ahh, Barack Obama. I'm Charles, friends call me Charlie, Gibson, and I'm joined by George Stephanopoulos who will also be turning the crank of the gossip mill...
George: Charlie?
Charlie: ...I mean asking hard hitting questions on topics that matter to the American people. Let's get right to it.
~From The "Great" Debate
"Today will be a mixture of sun and clouds with the possibility of rain in the morning or afternoon. I’m glad I don’t go outside or I’d be worried about getting the cardboard degree that I painstakingly cut off of a Cracker Jack box, wet."
~From Weathering the Storm
Most Athletic: Most likely to start sentences at reunions with “remember when…”
~From Superlative Subtext
You have the right to wonder, if only for a moment, what happens when you flush an airplane toilet: Is there a tank somewhere or does “flushing” really mean “dropping?” You also have the right to wait to flush until you calculate that you are directly over your in-laws pool and then hope your hypothesis was correct.
~From Bill of Wrongs
How was any of my youth wasted with grim Lincoln Logs? What a tragedy. I suppose they served their purpose, though, as an easy way for my parents to say, "we're not doing very well financially. Here, build yourself a house so we can rent your room."
Walter Mondale has a vote as a super delegate, too; he's voting for Clinton. That's because he doesn't know who the other candidate is. Much like America in 1984.
~From Have No Fear, the Super Delegates are Here!
A cheer erupted on both sides of the ocean from two countries - the United States and Kingdom - who are in current possession of the dubious Gold and Bronze medals in the obesity race, which is slow and characterized by heavy breathing.
Norway has officially proclaimed themselves to be in charge of the continuing diversity of plant life on earth. This is all very well because, like most people, when I think "diversity" I immediately imagine Norway.
~From Apocalypse How
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